The bad news

Five years, cancer free. This is the year I get to celebrate, finally. Right?

Not so fast...

On November 6, 2003, I had a hysterectomy for endometrial cancer. The surgery was followed by six rounds of chemo that finished at the end of March 2004. A baseline CT scan in April confirmed no evidence of disease. It was a miserable 6 months but I had a real possibility of beating the cancer.

The next two years I saw the oncologist every 3 months for exams and blood tests. Every time that date rolled around the anxiety resurfaced and for the week after I stressed out waiting for the postcard with results. After 2 years the exams moved to an every 6 months schedule. In May 2006 I had my gall bladder removed. While they were at it, I asked them to have a look around and see if things looked clear and, if so, remove the portacath I had carried under the skin of my chest for years as a reminder of the threat hanging over my head. Everything looked good so the port came out. With the exams less frequent and the port gone, I actually started to believe I had really put the nightmare behind me.

In April 2008 I had my regular 6 month exam. Two days later I got a call on my cell and saw it was from my oncologist's office. My heart leapt into my throat. The CA 125, a cancer tumor marker, had risen to 17. My number had always ranged from 6-9. They wanted to retest in 3 weeks. I sweated out the next 3 weeks cringing at every ache and pain. But I noticed a pattern to the achiness in that if I forgot a dose of Lipitor, the achiness would go away. I quit the Lipitor for the week prior to the retest and the CA 125 dropped to 12. They asked me to come back in 3 weeks just to be sure, but I was convinced I knew what the problem had been. I also got busy at work and moved my office down to Kent which made returning for the test difficult. Next thing I knew it was August and I would be back for a regular month exam in October so I blew it off.

Big mistake.

I went in for the October exam feeling pretty good. The exam went well, but I waited anxiously for that follow up phone call for 2 or 3 days. It never came so I assumed that the number was normal and a postcard would come with the results about 10 days later as usual. However, 10 days later, another phone call. This time the number was 38! I was alarmed. They asked me to come back in 4 weeks this time and set a date to return of November 11th.

I went in on the 11th for the test. They had said if I went in early they would have the results that afternoon. I waited very anxiously all day and no call came. I started to hope that things had gone well and they would just send a card. Again, I was wrong. About 3:30 I got a call that the number had gone up to 48. They wanted me to go in the following morning for a CT scan. I went in and was told the results would be available in 48 hours unless there was something that needed to be addressed quickly. I could expect to hear something late Friday or Monday.

Two hours later, I was driving into my office when the phone rang... the oncologist's office again. I knew it was bad news at that point. She told me the CT scan showed two tumors -- one on my spleen and one in my lower left groin. I had been complaning for months about a nagging tweeking or tightness in my groin. I assumed I had pulled something and it wasn't healing right. They made another appointment the following morning to see the oncologist to discuss the results.

The next morning I was kept waiting for close to 45 minutes to speak with my doctor. After a quick exam, he gave me the run-down. I needed a biopsy to determine what kind of cancer it was. It could be a recurrance of the endometrial cancer or possibly a completely new cancer... a lymphoma. If a recurrance, and if no other tumors but the two that showed on the scan, he said he could take out the spleen. I would then get radiation for the groin tumor and chemo to get anything missed. He thought that I had some chance of a cure, but more likely, another lengthy remission like I had already enjoyed. Certainly I would be doing radiation and some kind of chemo. Surgery was the question.

He did not go into detail regarding treatment if it was a lymphoma. He doesn't specialize in that. But I got the impression he thought lymphoma was more likely. What is scary about that prospect is that it could be something aggresive, whereas the endometrial cancer had been low grade and slow growing. So my odds are better with the recurrance than with something new.

That's what I have been thinking over the past few days, anyway, waiting for tomorrow's biopsy. While I'm in there, they will implant another port for the chemo. From the time I knew it was cancer again, the persistent aches and pains have seemed more painful. I hadn't noticed any pain in the area of my spleen, but now I swear I can feel something. In preparation for the biopsy tomorrow, I had to quit taking the ibuprofen that knocked the achiness down. Last night my hip started aching and the Tylenol just wasn't cutting it. I could not get comfortable and was up basically all night. This morning I filled the Vicodan prescription as soon as the pharmacy opened. I had to take 2 and wait a couple hours before things eased up. Since then I've only had to take 1 every 4-5 hours. I'm hoping it'll feel better tomorrow since it usualy comes and goes. Of course sticking a needle in for the biopsy probably won't help.

I don't know if they will tell me tomorrow what kind of cancer it is or if I'll have to wait to hear it from the doctor on Friday. The intake interviewer asked me how I respond to bad news so I'm already worried.